Being that I was already at the store on Chocablog’s fourth birthday, I thought it only fitting to pick something celebratory up. The frozen isle at Trader Joe’s has some tempting-looking desserts; I opted for the more average Ice Cream Bon Bons since they can easily be divided into as many (or as few) servings as you’d like and because of their friendly $3.69 price tag.
The twelve bon bons sit in a plastic tray to keep them safely intact; not a single one was damaged. They’re about an inch and a half across, mainly consisting of chocolate ice cream. On the bottom is a so-called “chocolate cookie crust.” Such a name implies a harder, more crunchy texture; what we really have is more like very dense cake, which I find all the better. To finish off, the whole thing is covered in chocolate. The shell is a proper thickness, neither too flimsy to hold its contents nor too thick to easily give when you bite in.
The cookie bit is what singles these out. It gives you the chocolate fix you can’t get from mere ice cream. It also adds a depth of richness and fudge flavor, improving the whole lot. The outer chocolate is probably the sweetest of the three, making for a nice lingering taste. Only problem is, being mostly ice cream, you have to eat these at the right temperature. Straight from freezer to mouth and they’re not quite right; victims of a Chocablogger’s camera aren’t in the best shape, either. They’re at their best when you allow them to thaw in just about the time it takes to arrange them on a plate, set the plate on a table, and sit down. Ideal, right? Well, yes, if you’re the only person. But these look to be designed with entertaining in mind, in which case you’ll want to be quick to keep them from melting.
I do love their size. Three makes for a good serving (there are twelve per box); the four I had the first time got to be too sweet towards the end. You can also pair just one or two with another small dessert to give the appearance of spending much time and effort on the combination. By no means are these gourmet, but they’re of good quality.
I can’t say the words “gourmet”, “chocolate” and “pizza” are words I would consider using to describe a product, but as you can see, that’s apparently what lurks inside this nine inch pizza box. I have to say, I wasn’t expecting much from this, as it’s clearly an out and out novelty product.
So what exactly is it?
Well, it’s not a pizza. That’s probably a good thing, but I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed by the fact. It’s simply a big disc of solid milk chocolate, cut into slices and decorated with chocolate shavings, fudge pieces and white & milk chocolate Maltesers.
It sits inside a plastic insert, so the actual chocolate is only seven inches across. It still weighs 325g, but it does look a little small and weedy sat in the box. Not like a proper pizza at all.
The surprise is that the milk chocolate is actually quite passable. It’s a 34% Belgian milk chocolate, and it’s quite tasty. It’s a little sweet, but not overly so, and there’s some nice rich cocoa notes. There’s no nasty palm oils in there, and cocoa is the number one ingredient. It’s quite nice to savour in small nibbles, so a single slice would probably last me all evening.
The fudge pieces and Maltesers are there for decoration than flavour. They’re purely there to make the whole thing look a little more like a pizza, and I guess if you stand way back and squint a bit, it does. The fudge is firm, slightly chewy, but quite pleasant and the Maltesers are… well, Maltesers.
Oh, and the chocolate shavings drop off and go everywhere, no matter how careful you are. If you’re the kind of person who always drops the mozzarella on the floor, you’ll feel right at home here.
This is an odd one. Frankly, it’s a ridiculous idea, and there’s no way I’d buy it myself even for a night in with friends, despite the fact that these “pizzas” come with a wide variety of toppings. But the chocolate is pretty good, and as a novelty, I’m sure some people would get a laugh from it. It’s probably not the kind of thing you buy more than once though.
I’ve always liked big boxes of chocolates – the impressive looking ones that you shouldn’t really buy for yourself because there are many other more sensible things to spend your money on. But this box was on sale and, let’s face it, I’ve never been particularly sensible with my money anyway so this rather large box came home with me.
Nestlé Noir is the company’s attempt to compete with the Lindt bars which have had the market cornered when it came to the higher end of the consumer market. I haven’t sampled many of their Noir bars because the ones I did have were nothing special, but this box caught my eye if only for how striking it looked on the shelf. Plus it says that it is the favourite of connoisseurs, right on the front of the box. In French. How could they not be good?
There are only six different chocolates in the box, with between four and eight of them depending on the variety. That means that each of those chocolates needs to be pretty darned good because there isn’t many other options to hide behind, and that’s unfortunately where the box falls flat.
Going through the six in turn:
Exquise – the prettiest of the chocolates in the box, thanks to the tricolour crisps nestled on top of the dark cup. The contents of the cup is a rather straightforward rich truffle which works well with the texture provided by the little balls on top. Not too bad at all.
Viennois – the mandatory coffee member of the collection, and that’s about it. Not too strong, although it could actually use a bigger kick just to make it more memorable.
Arabesque – another dark truffle, but with a grainier texture which is more reminiscent of a praline. It benefits from a slight sweetness that comes from the white chocolate herringbone pattern on the outside.
Victoria – Exquise’s uglier cousin because of the chocolate vermicelli on top, but it definitely has a more interesting centre. The box claims caramel although it is a thicker consistency than I’d expected. It starts off buttery and then changes quickly into something unpleasant and chemically. I really can’t understand what they were trying to do here – did nobody taste this before they decided to sell these? Really, really awful.
Paradisio – the actual praline in the box tries to bring together hazelnuts and almonds, with hazelnuts winning out by a long shot. The bigger issue is that it is much too sweet, verging on sickly. Another major misstep.
Coquillage – more dark truffle but with the added bonus of a fairly generous portion of cocoa nibs which is enough to add some crunch to it. This is the other really successful chocolate in the box.
This was a hugely disappointing collection to the point that I actually stopped eating them and passed them off to workmates instead. And even though they were getting free chocolate, their reaction to the Victoria was equally ugly as mine.
Definitely one to avoid – don’t even make eye contact with it in the shops because it will try to lure you with its classy box…
Ah, Asda. Part of the world’s largest public company and purveyor of fine chocolates… perhaps. We’ve never actually reviewed anything from Asda – partly perhaps because they’re not known for their chocolate, but primarily because nobody at Chocablog lives anywhere near one. So I was oddly excited when Asda PR offered to send us a sample of one of their “Extra Special” Easter eggs. If it’s extra special, it must be good!
What we have here is a 330g milk chocolate egg with five mini eggs that (allegedly) have a “crème brûlée flavour truffle centre”. Well we’ll see about that!
Once you get past the quite-ordinary-and-not-very-special packaging, the first thing that strikes you is the quality of the finish on the chocolate. It’s not very good. Both the main egg and mini egg look as though they’ve been decorated in a hurry then rolled around in bits of leftover chocolate. It’s hardly a luxury look.
The milk chocolate is 30% cocoa solids, 20% milk solids and is very, very sweet. The inside of the egg has small pieces of toffee and fudge (basically just differently prepared chunks of sugar), which just add to the sweetness. There’s very little in the way of real cocoa flavour going on here.
The same is true for the mini eggs. But at least they’re interesting. The filling is light and fluffy, with a slight hint of fudge flavour, but that texture quickly becomes gloopy and sticky in the mouth. Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that the first two ingredients of the mini eggs are sugar and palm oil.
I really wanted to like this, but unfortunately I can only truly recommend it to those who are looking to self-induce a diabetic coma. I find it a little shocking that there is somebody who must have approved the production of this thing, and someone else who let it past quality control. Unfortunately, Asda sent two of them as well.
