I don’t like to sound ungrateful. It was a gift and I appreciated the thought. But the reality is that the chocolate was horrid.
I didn’t expect much from the small squares of chocolate. The point, the gimmick as it were, is the photographs with the silly captions “to appeal to those with a taste of humour”. Each chocolate has a different one, all relating to chocolate in some way. Some witty, most at least faintly amusing. They are clearly a bit of a gag gift and I didn’t expect quality chocolate.
I did expect it to be edible though. The milk chocolate looked nice enough, a creamy colour and decent width. I broke off a corner and popped it into my mouth without even thinking about it. I didn’t expect a magical moment but this was just insipid. It tasted like someone had bought the absolute cheapest cocoa powder mix they could find, the type with lots of sugar and next to no real chocolate, mixed it with water and skimmed milk and then found a way to solidify it.
I know I can be a bit of a chocolate snob so the sensible solution was to get a second opinion. I got another square and handed it to my British boyfriend. “Try that.” He ate it in one gulp and then made a face. “Ew. That’s terrible,” he said. “Is it American?”
After the ensuing fight about the merits of American chocolate and a rather reluctant reconciliation, I checked the labelling and was
thrilled relieved to see that it was an English company on the back of the label: Heavens Above with the House of Dorchester website. House of Dorchester? Quality chocolate since 1963, commemorative chocolate presentations for Buckingham Palace, confectionary excellence! What went wrong here?
All the other chocolates sold by the the House of Dorchester look lovely and are clearly aimed up-market. Heavens Above are sold “under license” but I couldn’t find any other reference to them. Perhaps House of Dorchester felt decent chocolate would be wasted on pranksters more interested in the packaging than the content.
It’s a mystery indeed. Regardless, you’ve been warned: the retro look is interesting and the captions are a giggle but don’t expect the chocolate to be anything special.