Photo by redphayze
It breaks my heart to include a word like ‘mediocre’ when writing about chocolate, but M&Ms deserve a rap on their Australian-subsidiary knuckles.
Last year sometime, M&Ms Australia went to considerable trouble and expense to fly over Pamela Anderson to ‘launch’ the new green M&Ms. What Pammy actually means to Australians who like M&Ms and/or the colour green escapes me, but Pammy herself might have considered that the shape of the little orbs are not unlike miniaturised versions of her own implants.
‘Crispy’ and ‘Mint’ have never really gone that well together and I’m yet to find any other Australian chocolate product that flavours a crispy, biscuit-like filling with mint. Normally you’d expect a creamy fondant ala Fry’s chocolates that Dom reviewed earlier (we Aussies can only buy them from specialty chocolate stores for roughly the amount of a fortnightly mortgage repayment).
On presentation, the little green goobers didn’t look too bad. Glossy, appealing but still not quite answering my question about why our proud nation needed a cartoon character like Pamela Anderson to launch them. Why didn’t they approach Bob Brown (leader of the Aussie Green Party), or Tim Flannery (renowned environmental scientist and writer) and throw something like “5 cents from every pack goes to the Australian Wildlife” as a pro-community sweetener instead of funding Pammy’s own personal wildlife?
Sadly, this serious issue was immediately forgotten when I tasted them. Dusty, vaguely minty dry biscuit centres do not work. The chocolate, as per all classic M&Ms is great but the crunchy bird turd in the centre is worthy only of spitting out at clueless forty-something porn starlets who now badly need to investigate polar necked sweaters and toning down their tranny-envy makeup…..
To add insult to injury, we don’t get the famous peanut butter M&Ms here in Oz. I was sad enough to visit their website and ask them why. All I got back was something like, “Oh we’d have to import the machinery to make them here in Australia and it would not be financially viable…..nor would it be profitable to export them from the US.” Bugger! Pamela and her ‘excess luggage’ is worth paying for, but some nuts and bolts capable of squirting some peanut butter in the centre isn’t! Where’s the logic, you M&M Madmen??? It’s time to rise up and fight for our rights to decent chocolate and send these inferior mint muck-ups to the rubbish bin where they belong! Who’s with me, fellow Aussies? If you are, write to them under the contact us tab via: http://global.mms.com/au/about/products/index.jsp
Until we gain victory, I remain a sad seeker of peanut butter M&Ms from specialty choccie shops who see me coming and increase the price of these nuggets to, well the price of gold nuggets.