For most of us, Cadbury is the faithful standby. The readily-available, ever-dependable, reliable old friend. Dairy Milk tastes nice. It’s not startlingly brilliant but it’s not saliva-suckingly awful either.
Every now and then, however, Cadbury Australia likes to develop a few new quirky flavours to add to the Dairy Milk range. They invariably fizzle out because, when the main ingredient is the same old Dairy milk chocolate, there’s a finite limit as to what you can do with it.
Thus, I present you with two blocks from their optimistically-entitled ‘Desserts’ range: Fudge Brownie and Boysenberry Shortcake.
Let’s start with ‘Fudge Brownie’. To say that this flavour was a disappointment is rather like saying that Hitler was a bit of a grumpy bum. This sickly sweet, brown syrup inside the chocolate was about as comparable to a fudge brownie as Jordan is to natural-born beauty.
It was awful! The filling didn’t even taste like chocolate, let alone ‘fudge’ or ‘brownie’ – it might just as well have been sugar syrup with swamp mud mixed in for some authentic-looking colour.
In fact, it i rather tempting to report Cadbury to our nation’s Advertising Standards Council for being so blatantly untruthful in their advertising and labeling of this particular product.
Perhaps the rage and indignation will be quelled as we move on to the second ‘dessert’, Boysenberry Shortcake. Then again, perhaps not.
This Boysenberry bogus was almost as flavour fooling as the far-fetched ‘Fudge Brownie’. In reality it was a strawberry-like runny filling with what felt like tiny flakes of desiccated coconut inside. It was only after reading the back of the label that I found out those coconut bits were actually one per cent shortbread crumbs. Wow – a whole one per cent. Again, I’m wondering just how Cadbury can dare label something ‘shortcake’ when it comprises only one hundredth of the entire product. If they were going to be honest, they could have called it ‘same old strawberry with fiddly bits’, but I suspect it may not fly off the shelves as fast.
These two ‘flavours’ will fizzle out just like their other attempts have. People will be curious and buy them to try and, after one taste, won’t be buying them again.
Cadbury, get it through your heads – people buy you for your get-what-you-pay-for, safe-as-houses Dairy Milk, not your ridiculous attempts at new flavours which are, quite frankly, insulting to our taste buds and brain cells!