Jessica Walker chocolates have been available in supermarkets and department stores for a few years now, but I’ve never bothered with them before. Mostly the reason for my avoiding tem was because they’re often packaged as chocolate stiletto heels or in cutesy handbag shapes and seem likely to be aimed at the Gimmicky Girlie Gift market.
The box, confidently called the ‘Signature Collection’ was at least a step in the right direction by moving away from the novelty packaging and towards celebrating the chocolate itself.
Delicious assorted milk plain and white chocolates, it said on the back. And this rather peculiar quote from whom I assume is their fictional figurehead, Jessica Walker: “More than a mouthful is too much of a commitment.” What the….?
As you can see, they looked nice enough, if a little unassuming for a box of what appears to be entirely milk chocolate except for some tiny white stripes. The heart was just their milk chocolate and the other flavours were lemon twist, chocolate truffle, burnt toffee truffle and Turkish temptation.
For such varying flavours, it was disconcerting to slice them open and see almost exactly the same fillings inside. The plain chocolate heart and chocolate truffle were impossible to tell apart and the burnt toffee truffle had the most miniscule hint of brown sugar –and that was only because I was concentrating really REALLY hard.
The lemon was a real lemon. Jessica Walker describing this disappointment as a ‘zesty lemon flavour’ is akin to comparing a dead sea lion to a wild, party animal sure to be loads of fun. I couldn’t taste lemon at all and believe, I was trying. As for the Turkish Temptation it was a real fizzer. One had no Turkish filling in it all but was just full of mooshy buttery chocolate mush and the other had a crusty, sugary jelly jube inside that emitted a faint rose flavour. If I was blindfolded, the only flavour I’d even have the tiniest chance of guessing would be the Turkish Temptation and calling it ‘temptation’ is really pushing it.
These are embarassingly mundane, flavourless and ordinary. Imported from China, they contain 30% minimum cocoa solids yet cocoa is only third on the ingredients list behind the expected sugar and the not-so-delectable vegetable fat. Surely Jessica Walker can do better than this?